For better for worse

Choosing a partner that you will spend the rest of your life with; in itself is magic. Two people find each other in a world full of strangers fall in love and come to live together magical!

Choosing a partner with whom you’re going to spend the rest of your life is one of the most important decisions a person can make, because a marriage full of bliss or misery depends on who you chose as a partner.

A blissful marriage cannot entirely be attributed to luck, it is a product of mutual love and respect and commitment to keep the covenant of marriage. When getting married both parties usually get loads of advice from friends, relatives, parents, and even grandparents on how to keep a marriage going.

Some of the marriage advice women get is pretty good however some of it is rubbish. Manka Mushi recently celebrated her fourth year in marriage, with an intimate dinner and a movie afterwards with her hubby. “Having been married for four years has been fun, interesting and challenging experience, but marriage is hard work that you will need to put a lot of effort to, to make your partner feel special. A lot of patience is required to understand his shortcomings.

You need the wisdom to appreciates that both of you are just human beings and will make mistakes,” she explains. So like any other married couple, they fight, argue, annoy each other, see each other as strangers sometimes, cry, laugh, and have fun. “What do you expect, marriage is a union of two individual who have their own completely different identity, it’s up to us to make it work right for us,” she explained.

The best advice Manka got when she got married is that, she should never ever share her domestic affairs with a third party and make her husband her best friend. “I totally agree with that” Manka explains, adding “some couples don’t know where to draw the line when it comes to keeping some issues to themselves and when to invite a third party.”

She adds that the only instance that requires immediate attention of a third party is when domestic violence is involved and the third party should be the authorities or parent but not your friends, “invite friends into your marital affairs and you’re inviting trouble to your marriage.”

Manka explains that there is no point in inviting other people’s opinion and interpretations into your marriage, because you found and decided to be with each other without these other people’s help, “so then you should be able to resolve your own differences.” “I can’t say how many times this advice has helped us, I have learnt to be very secretive about our relationship, and always make sure my husband is the first one to know any of my thoughts or feelings concerning our marriage” she added.

The worst marriage advice Manka received was to keep her marriage alive by cheating on her husband once in a while and to keep some things from him, and only reveal them if the situation becomes sticky. “This was from my girlfriends and I feel it’s the worst advice ever. I mean if you want your marriage to work out, being truthful is paramount and with all the sexually transmitted infections, you want to be faithful your spouse,” Manka explains.

Joy (28) is getting married in two months time and she has been shopping for advice because she wants her marriage to work out.
The best advice she received was from her mother, who told her to make sure marrying the man she’s in love with, was the right thing she wanted to do. “My mother told me that I should make sure it is what I wanted, because it is my life sentence, that my happiness for the rest of my life depended on it,” she explains.

He mother told her, if she felt anything amiss, about the man’s views or family or she feels uncomfortable about something, Joy should do something about it. Joy was also advised that one of the secrets to a happy marriage is a short tongue. Instead of saying the first thing that pops in your mind to your husband in a heated discussion, bite your tongue. “Then afterwards, when both of you are calm, you can explain your point to him in quite tones, instead of engaging him in a shouting at each other and always apologies if you’re on the wrong,” she adds.

Another advice she finds easier said than done, is that she should never join her husband into a fight with any member of his family. She should rather be the peace maker because when things go wrong, he will side with his family. “I most definitely agree with this, often times women think it is fine to fight along side your husband, after all you’re his wife, but on the other hand, you got to admit, it would be difficult for someone not to, because some mother in laws are plain devils, very hard to please, leaving many daughters in laws with little choice,” she explains.

...The Kilimanjaro Twins, revolutions and Granpa


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